Ups and Downs and French Dessert - Mystic Maritime Consulting

Tuesday Morning, June 5

The night in calmer waters was a good respite for everyone, but the forecast offshore remains grim. I look out at the sea, at Flamborough Head three miles behind us, the white cliffs looming conspicuously in the distance, and it feels like John Paul Jones and his crew have been mocking us with the weather and hiding the secrets of their beloved ship. I wonder how many times we can be so badly defeated in this quest, and how much we can take before we finally surrender. It’s easier for the vessel crews in this sense, as it is their first time on the search and they can more easily rally for another round next year. But I am still exhausted on all levels – mental, spiritual, physical, and emotional, and every limb is covered in purple and red bruises. The only things that keep me going are the friends I have made, the experience I am gaining, and the fact that I really want to find the BHR for a certain French Admiral and a certain USN Admiral.

Tuesday Afternoon

The Captain has decided that we should roll the dice and transit out to the search area to see if by some miracle, the seas have laid down enough for us to put the sonar in the water. I am not terribly hopeful, but there is always the chance that perhaps a tiny bit of my faith will slowly be restored. These missions are the ultimate test of faith, and at the low points, I would give anything to get back to my family, my house, my gardens, and the fabulous weather that only a New England summer can bring. But the relationships and the high points of a mission make it all worthwhile. When we arrive, the seas are still too rough to work, so again I have lots of time to write.
The crew told me something very surprising today. It seems that I am the only woman who has ever stayed on board ANTARES. The ship was commissioned in 1993, so it has existed in almost 20 years of maleness. I am told that in the fall, the French Navy will have women on every ship, so I guess I am the female pioneer on this vessel. The most important thing I have learned in this type of situation is to enter it with great respect and sensitivity. The men have their rituals, their inside jokes, their evening routines, and I am only a guest who has been allowed into their world for a few weeks. It’s hard to tell if they enjoy having a woman around, if they are ambivalent, or if they prefer to have their manly environment to themselves. I doubt they would tell me the truth anyway, but I will choose to believe that a little balance of yin and yang is a good thing. They seem to be getting used to having me around, and the bonding continues through playing cards in the evening, chatting at mealtimes, sharing photos of families and homes, and working together throughout the day. They are very curious about the American way of life, which they see mostly from American TV shows like Desperate Housewives, How I Met Your Mother, etc. I have begged them not to form opinions of Americans based on what they see on television! They have also expressed great interest in spending time on US Navy ships, and are curious about how things are done in the “most powerful Navy in the world.” Hmmmm…..maybe this is my next little project – more French participation in USN missions?

Back to life at sea. There are many moments when I have embarrassed myself – such as when the cap from my hair spray bottle fell into the sink and went down the drain, and the engineer had to take the entire drain apart to retrieve it (why don’t they have those little mesh catchers in the drains?) I guarantee they are going to be seeing a lot more of this when they have women on board. And there was the time when at 1:00 a.m. I went searching for the bathroom and accidentally walked into the XO’s room. Oops. It’s mighty dark on this ship at night. And then there was the time when I attempted to make a bowl of instant oatmeal, and it exploded all over the microwave. There is nothing to do but apologize and laugh, and get on with it.

I had expressed an interest in French cooking, so tonight I was invited to help prepare a traditional French dessert consisting of meringue and vanilla custard. Its name translates to “eggs on snow.” In their discussions about my helping, the crew said they have confidence in my cooking skills because I am “already a wife and must have been cooking for my husband for a long time,” so they’re sure I can handle it. But I notice they did not offer to let me help with the main course (haha!). The dessert-making goes well, but I don’t possess the culinary talent of deftly swishing two spoons over each other to make perfect little shapes out of the meringue (it’s hard to explain). There was a small audience for this, and lots of laughing. But I must have done okay, because the cook promises that later in the week we can make something with chocolate. This simple domestic activity has helped to preserve my sanity today!